Things guys should know about dating
I went on a disastrous first date recently with a guy I met on Tinder. Anything remotely race-related, he will want your perspective and expect you to have insight. Unless you’re sucking each others’ faces off, people won’t guess. Then you might also be interested in: Things You Only Know If You're A Jewish Girl Dating Online Tinder Is Dead: How Has The App Gone From Hero To Zero In Just Six Months?Let’s call him Adam (that’s his real name but London is a big place, I’m sure he’ll be fine). Which is a bit annoying, but he just wants to make sure he’s not just looking at a situation from a position of white privilege, which is a good thing, right? They see a white man and a woman of colour walking down the street and no matter what the body language, people will act surprised when they find out they’re together. It wasn’t until relatively recently that I started to embrace my otherness.And nowhere is it more of an issue than in the world of dating and relationships.Adam informed me that blackface wasn’t actually offensive, it was just people pretending to be offended because they love a good argument. Probably best just to skirt around it and be vague ('she’s average height with brown curly hair'). If your boyf is not a total douchebag, it will have occurred to him that he has a massive economic and social advantage over most of the rest of the world. It’s kind of the opposite of when you’re out with a brown friend and everyone thinks you’re related. All of this makes it sound like race defines my dating experiences, which is obviously not true at all. Like, err yeah, thanks Adam for that nugget of ignorance, you absolute bell-end. Say you arrive at a restaurant separately and he describes you to the maître d' to see if you’ve been seated already. You’ll end up sitting at opposite ends of the restaurant but at least no one’s been racist. Check him with all his white male privilege, right? Going out with white boys is just as frustrating and fun as dating black guys or white girls or black girls.
I have no idea why and it’s definitely not a conscious choice.
The Chase is Fun, But Only at First When you begin dating someone, the fact that you like him doesn't mean you should give it up. But that's one form of "it." That period when you are getting to know each other and are still unsure of what magic might be developing is fun.
So no need to make it too easy on the guy when you initially start dating.
Adam also told me that he enjoyed watching and was allergic to dogs so to be fair to him, it was never going to work out between us, even before the racism. Is he allowed to say ‘I’m here with the black girl’? And maybe you don’t even identify as black, you haven’t discussed it yet. But is he supposed to feel guilty when you tell him about something racist or sexist that’s happened to you? How is he supposed to react when you refer to something as a ‘white boy’ thing? We’re lucky to live in the UK, where most people don’t have a problem with inter-racial relationships, and the minority that do are mostly too aloof to say so in public.
I guess the lesson here is to have a more thorough screening process, maybe a set of questions that a guy has to answer via Whats App before you agree to go for a drink with him.