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He was the inspiration for the second part of this post. ” And that, dear friends, is when I encountered my first ghost.Over the next couple of days, we texted back and forth and made plans for our upcoming dinner date. *** Before Chris, I don’t think I had heard the term “ghosting” before.When someone ghosts you, they’re showing you exactly who they are.They’re showing you that they are capable of acting quite selfish and inconsiderate… As one of my favourite people on the internet, Mark Manson, writes, if you’re in the grey zone, you’ve already lost.And if someone ghosts you, or frequently ignores your messages, you are definitely in the grey zone…in fact, there’s no doubt about it, you’re out of the game all together.
They may not be an inherently bad person, but ghosting is definitely bad behaviour. Perhaps – maybe if you only had a couple of dates and you didn’t make specific plans for another rendezvous – but for the most part, it is to just send a polite goodbye text (unless you are being harassed or made to feel uncomfortable, in which case, ghost that motherfucker no matter how long you have been dating).
When someone ghosts, they’re making it very easy for you to see that they’re definitely not the person for you, and that you’re much better off without them. It’s just happened to me with a guy I’d chatted on line to every day for a year. I don’t want a wishy washy wimp, i want a real man who is capable of loving and comitting to me. I fundamentally don’t understand how a person can even do it–I would feel so shitty just ignoring someone else. ) Yes, sending that text is hard, but it makes it so much easier in the long run – you don’t leave the other person hanging, and you’re not left with any weird guilt.
As soon as you realise this, you have room in your life for so many other fun things: new partners, sure, but also a new freedom to do whatever the hell you want to do… I’m pretty good at reading people and I totally missed it. The last message was him asking me what I had planned for the weekend. I have sent the “I’m sorry, you’re very nice, but I don’t see a future..” text and yes it’s hard, but in the long run its so, so much better. : ) (also reading this en route home from my amazing solo international holiday! I’m sorry that you had to deal with someone similar recently…
If he can’t even muster up the courage to write me two lines of text, what other emotional baggage am I going to have to deal with later on? Then I fought for myself a bit, having nothing to really lose, and we are gonna meet up this weekend, but my opinion of him is changed and I’m thinking about what to ask him more from an anthropological perspective. I have never heard of this, and definitely didn’t know there was a name for it and everything.
Ghosting is a huge indicator of both immaturity and instability. Maybe we both dodged a bullet as they say I too am 53 so i ain’t some kid. I too am glad that he has shown how immature and damn right selfish he is. What is that Maya Angelou quote – “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Hmmm, I understand how you’re feeling, Genna, I’d feel the same way. I even used it when the international man did something really horrible to me a few months ago, but I didn’t listen to the advice and gave him a second chance. I am sorry to hear about these stories, but like you say…it shows they shouldn’t be there anyway and you feel free and open for so many new things!! Yay for being one of the 4 guys who read your blog haha Why is this the way of things these days?