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I have been dating a man for about 5 months and everything is pretty good.
He was married for 10 years and has been divorced for about 2. We go out often, I’ve been introduced to the family and he to mine, and he treats me like I’m his girlfriend.
I said that my future husband would just take my car and I would take his.
He told me that if we marry that that car switching wouldn’t work (he doesn’t like small cars) and that I better buy a car that could hold the entire family (including his family). I can tell you right off the bat that I can’t tell you what the best move is going to be, but I can understand the guy’s reluctance to make it official… For a guy who’s already been married and has custody for one of his two children, I can imagine why he would be very cautious in making commitments with a new woman.
I would bet there were assumptions that you made that upset you that very well might not be the case.
It is quite possible that if you talked with him calmly and rationally, it would put both of you at ease. it really depends on how easily each of you can have a calm, understanding discussion to let the other one know where you stand.
He also said that just because he doesn’t have the capacity today it doesn’t mean that he won’t have it in 2,4, or 6 months.
Being a woman, I accepted his logic and things have been good.
For that reason, he might believe (on an emotional level) that if he starts defining commitments that the relationship will go downhill.
All I can say is (from what you’ve told me) is that he sounds like he probably had a rough time with his first marriage and wants to be extra careful this time around.
Or maybe he believes that the dating dynamic works a lot better for him than the committed relationship dynamic at this point in time.
But I believe that things can change as time goes on.
I can’t guarantee it in your situation specifically, but generally speaking things can work out as long as the guy is working through his issues.