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He got a real job, he committed to her, he took her on romantic dates, he was happy and alive. The short version of this very long conversation is that while he did love and care for me, being with me made him feel like an even bigger loser. Stop expecting please because people are people with their own minds and own bodies. They cheat even if the woman is beautiful or very attentive and loving. Why not stay single and then be free to play the field? I say this because I keep coming across early accounts of US soldiers in WWI and WWII as being considered over-sexed by Euro sub cultures. That kind of person is not a companion – you are a pet to be trained; and to bring her someone on whom to take out her feelings of victim-hood, or inadequacy, or annoyance, or whatever it is she is obsessing about – including you, or your habits, or some molehill about which she has constructed a control freak mountain.

I felt devastated and I beat myself up over it for months. The more I tried to “fix” him, the more damaged he felt. The more I tried to make his life easier, the more comfortable he became with his own misery. The do what they do even if makes no sense to you or them. People are not phones on which you can program and control. ” He hesitated and then said that a man is not always able to find a willing woman and that a wife was a guarantee of sex and companionship. Frankly, being alone and reading a good book is far more pleasurable. The psychology behind the problem of cheating from a women’s perspective is always the same. Apparently the man cheats because he isn’t getting anything in his own bedroom. A woman cheats because of some psychological need to bring emotions into a simple act of sex. I don’t buy it, the claim they can’t help it or they need to conquest women, anymore than I would accept any other excuse for the choice to violate one’s word to his partner.

So here is the Men don’t cheat because they’re scumbags or scoundrels.

It’s not because they can’t control themselves and oftentimes is not because they no longer desire you.

Affairs usually start when a man feels misunderstood, like the areas of his life that are important to him are being criticized or deemed not important. Expecting is wasteful and it just doesn’t always happen. In another way, men become adulterers because they are NOT men but boys. Observation shows most women are ready for commitment young, say 18. My boyfriend of 7 months, well now ex started being weird about almost two months ago.

Then he finds a woman appreciates him, who gives him something he isn’t getting from his primary relationship…and he strays. We were suppose to hang out one day when I was home from college and he ignored me the whole day and next until later that night and preceded to tell me he didn’t cheat on me and then told me the reason why he was being weird which was because of not have a job for a month and that he would have to move if he didn’t find one soon. He won’t give me these answers and I’m going crazy trying to figure out why he would do something like this to me with everything he has told me. While some of what you said may be involved, the most pressing and primary reason comes from pure biological evolution.

She quickly dismisses him and says, “You know I don’t understand all that technical stuff, it just makes no sense to me. Since she doesn’t care about what he does, he seeks that type of understanding elsewhere. They basically told you that you could trust them right? Prehistoric man didn’t get married, marriage didn’t even exist. Thanks, J From a male perspective, I believe you’re pretty close to being right on. I’ve had this conversation with many of my divorced male friends. When a woman demonstrates a lack of respect in whatever form – comparing him to others – criticizing his effort to be a good husband – not paying as much attention to her looks – in general, demonstrating a lack of satisfaction, he will read that as loss of interest and ultimately, loss of respect.

In order to feel valuable and significant again, he may give in to temptation, it doesn’t matter how much he loves his partner. Without it, it’s not a relationship; and without a relationship, sex, marriage, cohabitation, shared experience, and life with that person is something to avoid – not treasure. To be compared with the woman’s needs weren’t met, or she doesn’t feel cared for, or not understood.

He feels like he is constantly disappointing his woman and nothing he does is good enough.

He may feel like she no longer desires him sexually, like she doesn’t appreciate him, like she’s disappointed in him, like she isn’t impressed by him.

If these feelings converge with him meeting a woman who is turned on by him, who does value him, who does appreciate him, who makes him feel like a man well….

MORE: 5 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men I’m not saying cheating in this case is okay or acceptable. When my ex cheated on me I was devastated and thought he was the world’s biggest scumbag.

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